The time I reached the extent of having to flee from Zimbabwe to South Africa, it was the time of Cyclone Idai. My family said I’m the one who caused this cyclone because God don’t want this. [That my gender identity] is against the Bible. That it’s a demon. At the time of Cyclone Idai, our house was affected. Then people were moved to a safe space: a school. When we were staying at that school, my family members and others in the community plotted to tie me up and leave me in a forest where wild animals are living – hyenas, lions, leopards – because they believed I am the demon that caused the cyclone. I escaped and fled the country.
Here in South Africa, I see now that South Africa is treating me badly. It is not how I thought it’s going to be. Yho, the [Department of] Home Affairs is something else. Those guys, those officials… they play with people. Every month, I went there. I remember in October, I went twice. They called me twice. But they never do anything. What they did is just laugh at me, because of my gender identity. They started to laugh at me because of my sexual orientation. ‘Hey, this is a gay!’ And to the extent of telling me, like: ‘Why do you guys, you gays, from other countries choose to come to South Africa? We have more than enough gays.’ But we did not come here to perform this homosexual thing. We came here to seek safety and protection.
Now we are facing Afrophobic attacks. Xenophobic attacks. Transphobic attacks. The day before yesterday, they were here in our street. We were staying in a safehouse before, but we had to move from there. So, we were just here watching people doing those door-to-door things, looking for foreigners. But they didn’t come to our house.
The other day, I took a chance and walked to the shops. Ah! They caught me. They caught me, those Maspanyaza; those fake police. They caught me, then they said: ‘Give us money. If you don’t give us money, then we submit you to the police. Then they’re going to deport you.’ Then I gave them my money. R500. They took it. Then they wanted to take my phone. Then I said: ‘My phone, that is the only thing that I left. I can’t. If you want to take my phone, it’s rather go with me to the police, because that is where I can’t.’ So they let me go.
You know, I feel like this is the end of my… Like, I’m really depressed. I don’t want to lie. I’m really depressed. Like, nowadays I’m thinking too much; way more than before. I think the peace that we said we’ll have here in South Africa is nothing but a joke. We do not have peace. We do not have peace at all. – Lovendor Ushe
- Lovendor’s story forms part of the Beyond the Margins-produced documentary, I Am She/Her, which looks into the lived realities of transgender and gender-diverse persons across South Africa, thirty years since the adoption of the country’s all-inclusive Constitution.